HAPPINESS

left only 2 days for 2008.

2009 is near.

i wonder if time could bring me back.

so that i could change the past not to happen, or to be happen.

silly me. i know there's no way to do that.

i just hope to change all of my bitterness to happiness.

YES! HAPPINESS - that's all I want for 2009.

in the mean time, i want to spend my time visely and have fun gao gao since it's the last 2 days for 2008.

to someone special :

i really miss you alot.

i do really miss you.

and ...

iloveyou.

i really do.

but i chose not to let you know.

pretend that i don't care about it at all.

i don't want my feelings to grow deeper for you.

cause i would never know if you feel the same way too.

and i know that both of us are never meant to be together.

just hope that you'll be able to find your happiness as well.

If you love something, let it go.

If it's yours, it will come back to you.

If it doesn't, then it will never be yours.

Just wanna share this mail with you guys.

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't? or
Saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.
Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.
If you do, they might break your heart.
If you don't, you might break theirs.

Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doensn't.
You can't tell your heart what to do.
It does it on its own, when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?

Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much.
For fear that the other peron does not care as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?

We tell lies when we are afraid, afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.
But everytime we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.

Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.

What would you do if everytime you fell in love you had to say goodbye?
What would you do if everytime you wanted someone they would never be there?
What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?

Avillion, Port Dickson

Chritsmas Deco

yumcha session with my buddies.
few days in a row.
bangsar, curve, sunway.
had liquor drink as well.
movie for yesterday night - Diary of the Dead.
it was a horror movie.
no options for me.
well, have been covering my eyes with fiona's jacket for almost the whole entire movie.
and my ears as well, with my fingers.
really freak me out.
was darn sickening with the way they film the movie in the beginning.
headache & dizzy.
wanted to sleep until the movie is over but i couldn't.
even when i was washing up at my house in the toilet i was still kinda scared.
keep looking around if there's anything that are not supposed to appear in front of me.
prolly because of the movie.
anyway, thanks to andrew, shafiq, seo, kian yung, carine & fiona for the night outing.

had vodka.
im not really good in liquor drinks.
but still, just feel like drinking.
kinda tipsy for the moment.

met up wit dear joanne the other day.
it's been so long since the last we met.
went ss2 for breakfast, mid valley for window shopping & bangsar for threading.
accompanied her to cars showroom.
she plans to buy a brand new car. :)

im missing someone badly.

25th Harbin International Ice & Snow Festival

Christmas Aquarium, Tokyo

Peguins in Christmas outfits

12 o'clock has just struck.
guess all of you must be having fun out there, celebrating christmas with your peeps.
enjoy your christmas guys.
well, im the odd man out.
staying at home.
online & blogging to pass the time.
perhaps some of you are just in the same way as me?
staying at home huh?
this year's christmas has been really different from the past few years.
when your unhappy & moody, everything just seems not so right.
you just don't feel like going out.
rot at home rather than stuck in the traffic.
i miss my girls whom i celebrated with for the past few years.

Light up your heart, people.
Have a blessed & joyous Christmas.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

what a silent & tedious night i had.

"Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts."
-Janice Maeditere-

you know im still missing you.
may you be blessed with peace & love.
Merry Christmas to you.
loves <3

even snowman do have a family

DEPRESSION

Im tired of always putting on a show,
to hide the pain inside & sadness
to pretend nothing bothers me
what deep inside its at its boiling
Im really sick of all these shits
I need someone who truly understands me
Im sick of every single thing
everything adds up over time
making me depressed & bitter
sometimes i don't understand
why I feel this way
I don't guess i ever will
I wanna cry out loud
to remove all of my sorrows & anger
and the hatred feelings in me
you won't understand me.
I can't take this no more
I can't lie
hating the life
DEPRESSION is my friend.

it doesn't mean that if you go to church then you can't use all sorts of foul language.

so what if im not ashamed?
you think i care?

bumped into that bitch this afternoon.
why don't you ask her if she's ashamed of what she said?
if you know what she has said, i bet you will most probably fucking curse her too.
I SWEAR!
not worth a farthing.

whenever people asks, are you okay?
do you think i am?
even if im not, but i'd still say yes, im okay.
so what if said im not okay?
do you think you can help?
NO!
you know what?
TEARS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
im really upset, unhappy, depressed.
can't use any ways to describe my feelings.
too awful for words.
sorrow makes us weep.
makes our life very meaningless.

i've deleted the previous post.
it's in my draft.
no particular reason to do that.

everyone, thx for the messages.
im alright, guess so.
i plan to move out.
gonna look for suitable place.
hopefully can make it by 2009.
keeping finger-crossed.

tomorrow is the 24th.
which is Christmas eve.
till now still got no plans yet. great.
i supposed this year's christmas gonna be super duper dull.

im unhappy.
i need companion.
i wanna drink.

i fucking curse you to suffer misfortune & great harms, bitch!

finally, i went to the place that i wanted to go so badly.
LOOK OUT POINT!!
yeah! my church peeps did promise me that they would bring me there someday.
and finally, they brought me there and gave me a suprise on mon since they FFK me so manyyyy thousand times. haha.
really thanks alot to you guys.
Jasmine, Ashley & Rico!
appreciate it.

went to LOOK OUT POINT again with my sakai gang today.
had fish head noodles for breakfast at Taman Desa.
thanks to Soo Hui for the treat. haha.
first time ever. xp
then headed to Mid Valley for movie - BOLT.
finally get to watch my all time favorite cartoon movie.
CUTE CUTE CUTE!!
especially the hamster. SUPER DUPER CUTE!!

after our dinner at Look Out Point, we went somewhere.
our mission incomplete!
nevermind, what we have is TIME.
try hard again next time.
hahahaha.
we had a great time laughing.
LAUGH LIKE MADDDD!!!

THANKS to the sakai gang.
eve, soo hui, soo yin, lemon.

* stay tuned for Look Out Point's pictures. nice nice. :)

what's your plans for christmas?

im so much looking forward for christmas, but there's no any plans yet. damn.
i used to spend my days & celebrate christmas with the girls.
but this year definitely would be different.
cause they'd be celebrating together with their loved ones.
they were all attached whereas im still single. poor thing.
wonder how does it feels like when you get to celebrate christmas with your other half.
it's nice to be in a relationship, i think.
cause there's someone to be by your side, being loved & cared.
isn't it?
how i wish i could celebrate christmas with "YOU".
all i want for christmas is "YOU!"

I LOVE CHRISTMAS.
I REALLY DO!


I NEED YOU, SANTA!

WON'T YOU MAKE MY WISH COME TRUE?

Sg. Wang

Euphoria MOS, 27-11-08

GOOD NEWS!

guess what?
i've quit this job as a temporary staff.
it's a good news for me.
don't have to travel outstations anymore.
cause to me, no matter how high the pay is, if your not happy with it, then just forget about it.
i can enjoy my holidays now.
whee~

WHAT A RELIEVED!!!

phew~

baby dec 15th

H.A.P.P.Y 18TH B.I.R.T.H.D.A.Y
TO
L.I.M .I-V.Y!
(the laugh-non-stop soh poh)


she's gorgeous. :)
she's such a nice girl, seriously.
the only one whom i video call with.
can laugh really crazy & non-stop talking crap with her.
talk stupid things only lar both of us.
we can click darn well wei.
imissyou larhh.
good lar you, bet you must be having fun in singapore now.
friends ever girl!
great to have such a nice friend like you!
(you must be proud ar lim ivy, cause you have a friend like me) xp
muahahahaha.
loves.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO
D.A.N.N. C.H.I.N!
(the designer)


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO
D.E.N.N.I.S P.A.R.K!
(the korean boy)


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO
P.E.I J.I.E!
(the celebrity, xiao hu)



went to Star Live Concert on last saturday.
it rained before the concert started & half-way during the concert.
muds all over my feet, pants & shirt pun kena.
the only thing i disatisfied was the sound system.
it sucks big time. yeah.

went up to Genting in the noon today for musical show.
fell asleep during the show.
the ticket cost me RM 100 and yet i fell asleep.
hahaha.
some of the scenes were kinda boring.
but overall it was still not bad laa.

till then, night! :)

it's the 15th again.
9 months.
my feelings for you,remains the same.
imissyou.

outing with pet sis

Girls night at The Curve

pet sis Crystal & I

my lilttle cute pet sis.
had dinner at Italiannies.

thanks sis.
plan for next outing yea.
loves. <3

"i haven't forget you"

it's been a long time since the last you texted me.
and i haven't been texting you for 2 months.
im still using the same number.
i still remember you.
now, always & forever will.
cause you're the one that i'll remember for the rest of my life.
i really don't know what to say.
i can't find any words to say, to let you know how i feel.
im sorry for not replying.

i wish i could tell you that i miss you.
i wish i could tell you what i feel inside.
but im afraid that you're gonna put me down.
somehow im glad that you actually still remember me.
" i haven't forget you."

tagged by joa <3

1. What's your most favourite colour?

blue, baby blue.

2. What is the most important to you?

studies of course, as well as my future career.

3. How often do you think of committing suicide?

last time always laa. but not now anymore. :)

4. Do you think you have enough confidence?

NEVER! haha.

5. How many babies you want?

4 - 2 boys & 2 girls. xp

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?

not really. it depends.

7. What is your goal for this year?

get into degree with CGPA not less than 2.6 and i've made it. =)

8. Do you believe in eternity love?

er.. it depends if i've found the right person.

9. Who are your best friends?

sisters J3rem, sarah, joanne, fiona, eve, soo hui, soo yin.

10. What are you really afraid of?

being rejetced & reptiles.

11. What is your bad habit?
er.. er.. er..

12. What's your opinion with Distance relationship?

well, it's quite tough to mantain a distance relationship.
somehow it might or might not works. depends on both sides though.

but i think communication, trust, love & commitment are important in distance relationships.

13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
OF COURSE I DO!

14. What does flying means to you?

just fly laa. like superman & powerpuff girls?

15. What do you crave for the most currently?

dye & curl my hair. wee~

16. Single or in a relationship?
er.. don't know.

17. What is your favourite movie currently?
cartoon movies!

18. What have you done to yourself make yourself happy?
my idol? haha.

19. What is the worst case scenario happen to you in your life?
being robbed by those fuckers.

20. What do you wish to do now if you are allowed to?
move out & stay alone, own a car, get to study abroad at overseas.

I Tag :

Sarah
Eve
Soo Hui
Soo Yin
RachTeng
Sandy
Crystal
Fiona
Lee Ching
Josslyn
Becky
Yee Wah

Never say N.E.V.E.R

Never say give up, if you still wanna try.
Never say you don't care, if you still do really care.
Never say you hate him, if you still have feelings for him.
Never wipe your tears, if you still wanna cry.
Never settle for the answer, if you still wanna know.
Never say you've gotten over him, if you still can't let go.

have fun!

just came back from KLIA.
was kinda exhausted today.
coussy sarah is leaving to USA with her family for vacation.
damn nice lor.
can go new york, florida and etc.
shop till she drop man.
have a pleasant flight my dear.
gonna see ya on 25th.
enjoy & have fun!
loves.

i just found out something.
just realise that i haven't actually totally get over him yet.
he was sort of out of my mind for certain days/weeks,
and i thought i've finally made it,
totally get rid off him,
but i was wrong indeed.
i kept viewing his profile via friendster & facebook,
and somehow my eyes just get watery.
i know i miss him alot,
i know i still can't get over him yet,
i know my feelings for him was deep.
but so what?
he doesn't seems to care.
he doesn't seems to bother.
he has once said that things don't always have to be put into words.
and i was kinda lose heart.
i just don't know why.
im still keeping all of his messages since 13th of march.
it took me more than an hour to read all of the messages he sent me.
not joking.
every single message does mean alot to me.
my phone sometimes doesn't function properly,
'it' keep telling me that it's time to change a new one.
because of the messages, i insist not to change.
cause i know i'll never ever get to back those messages.
it may not mean anything to me right now,
but at least it meant something to me before.
i know im stupid.
i know im silly.
i know im hopeless.
so what?
that's just me.

why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together?
i guess that wouldn't work.
someone would leave,
someone always leaves.
then we have to say goodbye.
i hate good-byes.
i know what i need,
i need more hellos.

-Charles M.Schulz-

some things are left undone,
some words are left unsaid,
some feelings are left unexpressed.

Finally, I'm back to KL.
home sweet home~
happy laa. =)
can hang out with my sakai gang & buddies.
wee~

p/s: actually im okay with the job in penang,
is just that the people i hang out with made me damn gao dulan. sigh.
shall not mention it.

Good night!

imissyou,
15.03.2008

WEE--HAA!!!!!!
IM GOING BACK TO KL LATER LATE AT NIGHT!!!!
CAN'T WAIT!!!
HELL YES!!!!
SEE YOU, PEEPS!

i was damn fucking pissed today.
the TWO of you,

DAMN FUCKING SOHAI, CB!
well, words are used to express one's feelings.
i'm sorry for the foul language.

anyway, i met a bunch of damn good looking hot hunks.
their body figures were damn fit, damn macho.
phew-wit~

im going back to KL tomorrow.

can't wait!!!

something i read today :

I do not believe, nor have I believed,

that any women has to be married,

or have a man in her life in order to be whole,completely or vitally alive.

SUCKS to the MAX

the days in penang - SUCKIEST ever!
I SWEAR!
WTF! WTF! WTF! WTF!
left 2 more days.
wanna go back to KL so badly.
sigh.

tears

Silent tears stream down my face,
I squeeze my eyes shut tight,
Hoping they will go away,
But it only make more spill out.

Silent tears stream down my face,
I reluctantly go on with life,
But not a soul ever notices,
For my tears are so silent.

As i stumble through this life,
help me to create more laughter than tears.

Im trying to be tough & strong,
but it's hard for me.
Im trying not to cry,
but i just can't.

penang

my first time going outstations for work purpose.
im at penang right now.
just arrived about an hour ago.
went to ipoh for roadshow in the noon.
will be back to KL on sat.
haih. :(

first day of PMS. darn!!
when im at outstations only my "dai yi ma" visits me. wth.
suffering from an unbearable pain.
sigh. :(

yesterday was so darn high gei.
today so down.
no mood larh.
tired larh.
sien larh.
especially when your colleagues & you are totally different channel.

i miss you, you, you, and of course YOU!

suprise birthday party for sarah sheah

yesterday was really really fun.
became Sarah's driver. haha.
since it was her birthday, im willing to do anything to make her happy.
as i promised her, brought her to different places to take picture with the christmas decoration.
and guess what?
we managed to go 10 shopping malls!
yeah, malls hopping. i know it sounds crazy.
from KL - PJ.
Sg. Wang, Times Square, Pavilion, KLCC, Mid Valley, The Gardens, Bangsar Village, One Utama, The Curve & Ikano.
initially, we wanted to go pyramid. but we didn't.
the reason being was both of us dislike going pyramid. hahaha.

the SURPRISE PARTY was really succesful.
we CON her the whole day.
initially she was kinda upset and she even cried on the previous night.
cause she said she don't have the feeling that its her birthday.
and other reasons larh.
then, she planned where to go, this laa, that laa.
all i can do is just saying YES, OKAY!
layan her laa, what to do. haha.
cause she doesn't know anything about the party.
and i had a great time driving in and out at every single malls' carpark.
my birthday present for her was, petrol & parking fees. -.-"

around 8pm, i then drove her back.
when was about to reach, texted her mum that i was at the guard house.
so that they get ready to surprise her. hahaha.
taa-daa.
the moment she opened the door.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY"!!
and she was like "OMG! OMG! OMG! I CAN"T BELIEVE THIS!"
she keep repeating these for the whole night.
and finally, she tears! lol.

the climax was the presence of EDC.
he came all the way back from australia to celebrate her b'day.
and both of them have gone through for like 9 months.
sarah, i know its not easy for you.
i know somehow you felt insecure.
i understand how you feel.
and the biggest thing to overcome is the DISTANCE.
you are one of the good example.
im really happy & touched to see the both of you. honestly speaking.
cause even i couldn't make this far.
you know what i mean right.

im happy that most of her friends turned up for that suprise party.
although a few of them are still having their SPM/STPM.
im glad that she has so many friends who really loves her.
i was kinda touched, even though it wasn't my party.
her mum is awesome, seriously.
she planned every single thing.
and this party was a SUCCESS!
a round of applause for everyone who attended that party!
*clap clap clap*
hope you guys did really enjoy it!

Dear Sarah,

just wanna let you know that you are such a lucky girl.

you have a mummy & daddy who loves you very much.

appreciate everything what your mum & dad has done for you okay?

your grandma & aunties loves you too!

your friends are fabulous.

glad that you are being cared & loved by all of them.

im sure that they felt great too cause they have such a nice friend like you.

p/s : im glad that you are my cousin sis sarah.

and i do really treat you as my sis.

just wanna let you know that i will always be here for you.

i may not be a good listener, but im willing to listen to all of your woes all the time.

i may not be the best of all to you, but you are the best of all to me.
im happy cause you feel much happier than me.
i just love seeing you smile.

*a memorable birthday party.*

iloveyou, sarah sheah.

you are GREAT!

oh ya, all of us deserve an "Oscar awards!" haha.
sarah's mum, auntie vee yee, pik kei, edc, bi wei, eugene, zheng kang, ka eng, ying wen's gang, kah joon's gang, and so on so forth. *winks*

* stay tuned for more pictures!

Dear Josslyn sis,

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

im sorry that i couldn't make it for your b'day celebration.

8 years of friendship and still counting.

all the ups & downs, tears & laughters.

deep down inside i stored in my memory.

anyhow, sisterhood ever.

miss you girl.

loves.

HAPPT 17th BIRTHDAY TO YOU,

SARAH SHEAH!!


you are the best coussy that i've ever had.
the chuntest.
both of us can be really really crazy at times.
yeah, only both of us know.
hahaha.
cause "you'll never know" our motto.
just like yesterday, slept over at her place.
we can laugh like mad over some lame thingy.
"ni jia ruan ruan de, ruan ruan de, ruan ruan de,
wo jia ying ying de"
obviously you guys don't have a clue about it. xp
bleks.

iloveyou,babe <3
-xoxo-