"it's weird how you go from
being strangers
to being friends
to being more than friends
to being completely strangers again"

i keep telling myself that im tough enough to take all these.

but somehow, everything just prove me wrong.

i just can't help but to see it when i know it's gonna hurt me once more.

seeing 2 faces with the smiles putting on together in every single pictures.

that just shows how happy he is over there.

feelings that i feel right now is really torturing me.

all the pain that he has put me through.

i supposed it's gonna be a vivid memories for the both of them.

since both of them go through this matter together and try to make things happen together.

"it's not gonna be easy, but we'll try this together, ok?"

good for the both of them.

i don't want to end up making promises that i have no intentions of keeping or saying things that i don't feel.

but i did it, that just shows how foolish and stupid i am.

well, everything is gonna be alright.

no longer have to appear offline when seeing him online.

no longer get to see any of his profile anymore.

no longer get to see all the sweet pictures of the both of them anymore.

sometimes it's better not to know and see anything.

cause in the end, after knowing and seeing all the things that you don't wish to know and see,

you are the only one who will get hurt.

yes, i know i deserve it. serve me right to suffer.

now i know how deeply it hurts when you see someone you enamoured with is happy with someone else, but not you.

people often says, when you really wanna forget someone,

the first thing to do is to remove all of the contacts and any other thing that has to do with that person you wish to forget or let go.

even if i get to remove every single thing of him, i know i still couldn't remove him from my mind.

that might happen though, if only if i loss my memory.

i don't feel any good for removing every single thing.

cause i know this is not what i want to.

however, this is what i ought to do.

but i think there's still something that i deserve to keep.

im sure the both of them will surely feel better.

yes, i'll just go on with my life since he thinks that he's not worth it for me, but he's worth it only for her.

no doubt that life is unfair.

yes, it's HELL UNFAIR.

even if you're good enough, you still get whacked and slapped by others without any reasons and explanations.

after getting whacked and slapped, you still care about those who whacked and slapped you, but not yourself.

you wants them to feel better after whacking and slapping you but not letting yourself to feel any better.

you wants them to be happy after whacking and slapping you when you yourself are still in pain with all the bandages around your body.

cause there's really nothing you can do about it when all these shits happen.

and that's what you call life.

accept the unacceptable.

i shall treat myself better.

instead of making my heart heavy and lugging them around,

i should learn to grieve the hurts and pains in life.

try to let out all of the unwanted feelings inside.

just put on a smile,
everything is gonna be alright.
promise myself to be strong,

that i shall live and not die.

self-hypnosis, i will be fine.

im gonna be real fine.